Today is my last day of work. At 5:01 p.m., I will be officially unemployed... and homeless for that matter.
I was sad to leave our apartment. In the last few minutes in our empty living room I buried my face in Nate's shirt and held him tight. I cried thinking that it was our first apartment as a married couple. I thought about learning how to cook in that kitchen, about sipping red wine sitting in front of our fireplace on so many winter nights. I remembered the time we hosted a Harry Potter marathon on New Years Day and snuggled with our friends in our pj's on our big leather couch. I even remembered the night before we moved in, when my friend Margaret and I snuck in and sat in the dark on the floor in that same empty living room, imagining where I'd put all of my furniture.
It belongs to new people now. The young couple moved in just a few short hours after I left.
In the meantime, we've been staying with Nate's mom in the suburbs, and I've spent the past two nights on friends' couches soaking up our last few nights together and saying goodbye.
And so that brings me there, to my office on my last day. Like normal, my overhead florescent lights are off with just my orange polka dotted lamp lighting my desk. Spotify is playing, and I'm writing this.
Leaving this job is bittersweet. I've had really stressful days and absolutely wonderful ones. I really started to gel with my team and will miss the groove we got in. We were able to accomplish a lot together.
The sadness I've felt about leaving this job and Chicago has been melting away over the past week, leaving behind excitement (and still some anxiety). I'm working hard to quiet my worries when they creep up, usually in the middle of the night or early morning hours when I'm alone and away from Nate.
I've spent my last day at work cleaning out my desk, taking down photos I had pinned to my bulletin board, saying goodbye to my colleagues as they pop by. I had lunch with two good friends that I'll miss very much. And now, as the day is winding down, coworkers are making holiday plans and bundling up to commute home.
I feel a quiet hum of excitement for what's next. Change is good. It's a great big world out there.