A Resignation and Three Needle Sticks

I’ve had better days.

Today I had to tell my boss that I’m leaving my job.  It sucked.

I’ve been at my job for 2.5 years and got promoted in April, which was great.  Since then I’ve had more responsibility and stress but also a lot more freedom and sense of ownership of my work.  It was a good transition.  Now though, just 8 months later, I had to tell my boss, “Thanks but no thanks!  Keep your big fancy paycheck!”  It didn’t go exactly like that.

I told him my reasons for leaving.  I told him it wasn’t that I was unhappy at work.  I told him I was grateful for having had the opportunity to work for him.  He was professional but clearly disappointed.

Something deep inside me feels an intense pressure to do, say and be the right thing all the time for other people.

It’s helpful to understand that I might be the largest people pleasure in the history of people pleasing.  Seriously.  I do it a lot, even when it means I feel less happy or authentic.  Something deep inside me feels an intense pressure to do, say and be the right thing all the time for other people.  So intentionally disappointing someone or doing the opposite of what they want me to do gives me an enormous amount of anxiety.  I seriously lost sleep over this conversation for weeks.  It was an event on my work calendar that loomed on this day and caused me a fair amount of dread.  

Before my meeting, I ate a banana because my Dad once told me that potassium calms your nerves.  He used to bring one to every big audition I had when I was in band.  Right before I walked into his office, I tried to take deep breaths.  I worked on calming my shaking hands.  I even snapped this photo of myself:

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After that was all said and done, I had to tell my team.  When I said, “I just feel like my window for doing this is closing,” my colleague said, “Your window already closed.  It was right after college.”  Not everyone is going to understand or approve of my choices.

An hour later, I had my first of two appointments to get necessary (and expensive) vaccines.  I got three in my left shoulder muscle and was sent on my way with a bill for close to $400.

So there you have it.  Some days of planning a fabulous round-the-world trip are, well, fabulous.  Others… not so much.