As we creep into November, the days are getting shorter. The leaves are falling, the trees are letting the dead things go in their usual beautiful way. I’m starting to feel the year wrapping up, our time in Chicago coming to an end.
I can’t believe how much happened this year. How amazing and stressful and hard it was.
This year I got married. I graduated with my masters. I saved for a trip around the world and ran a small business. I watched my childhood friend get married. I got promoted. My dog, Lily, went grey in the face. This year I had a better, easier relationship with my Dad. I stayed in touch with friends who are now living amazing lives all across the country. I watched Pacific Rim drunk at least 5 times. I visited Portland, New Orleans (twice), Charlotte, Atlanta, Denver, Louisville, Mexico and Belize. I made pasta. I cried in the car on the way to the airport because planning a wedding is hard. I cried at the ceremony because weddings are also wonderful. I fought and made up with Nate. I slowly started to let go of Chicago and the life I’ve created for myself here.
It’s easy for things to stay the same- it’s change that I find difficult. I grew up with a lot of constants in my life. I can still point to the doorway in my parents’ basement where colored lines mark the growth of my siblings and me through the years. My backyard looks exactly the same except for the missing trampoline that I still can’t believe my Dad let us have.
Change means confronting myself and the decisions I’ve made. It forces me to be an active participant in my life, and that can be both exhilarating and tiring.
Most days I wake up anxious about this trip. I wonder what we’ve gotten ourselves into. I think about leaving my job and spending all of this money and think, “This is a monumental mistake.”
Then I take a few deep breaths and realize that this life is long. There are few mistakes that can’t be undone. I remember everything that I’ve accomplished just this year and think- we can do this too.